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Now I know that this gripe is going to get the backs up of a fair few people, but speaking as both a resident parent of one child and a non resident parent of another child I know what I am talking about.
I had my first child as a single mum some years ago. I was not a child myself at shr 23, and I wholeheartedly accepted this child was my decision and I would take any responsibility financially. I met (I thought at the time) a wonderful man when my daughter was two and we set up home together. From the start I had made it clear that I didn't want anymore children and was quite distressed to find myself pregnant a couple of years later. This is a particularly difficult thing to talk about, BUT I was very clear on my unhappiness with this pregnancy, particularly as I was no longer happy with my husband. I had absolutely no inclination to be a mum again. My husband, however, begged me to keep the child and even promised that if we split up he would be full time carer. So against my better judgement I went ahead and here comes the gripe. As expected, within a couple of years my husband and I had separated. I had met someone else and it was all over. I carried on as full time mum to my first child (my daughter) and my husband had residency of our son (although I had regular access of 2 or 3 nights per week). Many may think this strange, but as said previously I didn't want any more children and my husband had been aware of that.
The problems have just started recently with the CSA. My husband re-married and moved to Sweden. Up until that point I had been paying 40 cash per week maintenance from my self-employed earnings. On moving to Sweden my payments ceased as my ex-husband had given the impression they were no longer required. I'm not sure if this just happened because he didn't think he could claim through the CSA whilst living out of the UK. Anyway, in June last year I had a rather snotty letter from the CSA asking for child support of nearly 170 per month. I called them and they admitted that they hadn't decided if my ex-husband was eligible or not, apparently it was an ongoing matter.
I heard nothing else from the CSA until October 2008 when I was asked for nearly 170 maintenance for that month. I started making payments again although I was struggling to do so. As is the case with many other self -employed people my business had taken a hit from the credit crunch. The CSA works out maintenance from your last tax year, even if your earnings this year are much less and that was the case for me. My earnings weren't as high as last year and I was struggling bringing up my daughter as a single parent. The CSA weren't interested in the fact I was a month behind with my rent because of my financial difficulties or that we could be evicted from our home at any moment. They told me it was more important to pay child support than pay my rent to keep the roof over my other child's head. How can this possibly be acceptable? My ex-husband has now re-married to a woman with a PHD (presumably with a reasonable income). My son lives with my husband and is in no way going without. He goes to a good school and is going on a 2 week holiday to Italy very soon with my ex-husband. My daughter lives with me and has no chance of a holiday like that any time soon because of the financial situation we are in.
To add insult to injury I was then given a court summons for backdated child support in December 2008. This amounted to another 1000. Over January and February I struggled to pay 300 of the arrears as well as my regular payment. I went to court yesterday and explained my situation as a single mum and how every month I am paying what I can afford to the CSA, how I really can't pay the rest of the arrears off in full. I was coldly told they would still be applying for the liability order as the 300 of arrears I have paid wasn't enough. I am absolutely disgusted at how I have been treat in this case. They do not allow for one tax years earnings to be less than the previous, and they do not consider that one child may suffer for the benefit of another. My daughter who lives with me was my first child, brought into the world single-handedly and promised I alone would take care of. My son (from my marriage) lives with my husband in a family with two parents and is in absolutely no hardship whatsoever.
It is about time the CSA was seriously overhualed and circumstances were actually taken into account when calculating rates of maintenance. I have never had a problem paying something towards the upkeep of my son, but at a rate that is reasonable and not taking food out of my first child's mouth. It would appear that the wrong people are victimised every day by the CSA. I'm now waiting for a bailiffs order to be issued as I could not pay the outstanding arrears in court yesterday; arrears I didn't even know existed until December!
Throughout all this I also have had to put up with the fact that my ex-husband could have stopped all this and drawn up a private agreement. My daughter still calls him dad from when we were married, but I think she's beginning to realise that this man doesn't actually care about her welfare. I get a little sick of resident parents and their 'POOR ME' attitude. I have never expected any help for my daughters upbringing. I have worked all my life and have done the best I can. It was ultimately my choice to have my daughter on my own. My ex-husband acts like a martyr to the cause because he has main residency of our son. Hark.. I can hear the violins playing.
By: Nicole
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I cant believe the amount of people supporting this woman. But then again in a pole of people who visit this website, the vast majority of them apprently support the BNP.... enough said.
This isnt ABOUT the CSA and money! This is about the apparent ABANDONMENT of a child by its mother. At least the child has its father and stepmother to care for and love him... And another shocking thing is that people seem to think that if a parent gets rearried then their responsibilities too their child should stop... Its all very backwards and bizarre....
Dan