I split up with my ex-partner, the father to my two sons around 3 years ago due to the fact that I was fed up doing everything around the house, whilst he preferred to stay in bed all day and not pull his weight. During the following months I tried to instigate contact between him and the children who were living with me, and was usually met with refusals as he was too busy enjoying his new found freedom – specifically being able to sleep around, get drunk.
On almost a weekly basis he was verbally abusive towards us all, and constantly refused to pay any maintenance towards his children. He would lie to the CSA as to what money he was in receipt of and they never investigated to see if he was telling the truth. At one time he told me to get rid of them both so that he wouldn’t have them around his neck!
Last year his family and I arranged access and I said that if he was there while his children was then I was OK with that even though I wasn’t really, but his mother was missing her grandsons and I didn’t want her to lose out.
I work part-time and I’m at university. I found myself struggling to pay bills one month and I asked him to help me. I was met with the usual reply of “I don’t have any money”, even though I knew he was going out every weekend with his new partner and was spending money left right and centre. He subsequently started to harass me to the point where the Police had to be involved, so I stopped access and told him to take me to court and let them decide if he was a suitable person to be around his children. The whole ordeal caused me to have a nervous breakdown and I almost lost my job.
I heard nothing from him for months until earlier this year when a solicitor letter arrived requesting access and also for me to agree to him having parental responsibility! My solicitor advised that I should agree to access as a judge would give it anyway, but to refuse parental responsibility due to his previous behaviour. His solicitor was apparently quite shocked when mine stated the things he had said about his sons.
So now he sees them a couple of times a month, but still refuses to pay his way. I can’t go through the CSA as he won’t tell me where he is living, due to his partner being on benefits and he doesn’t want them both to lose them. I still get the usual “I don’t have any money” excuse yet he is getting married soon, has purchased a car and the house where he lives is decked out in the latest entertainment equipment. All this whilst at our house we won’t even be able to watch TV at all soon as ours is on it’s last legs and I can’t afford to by a new one with a freeview box. That’s just an example of our differences in lifestyle.
The last time he saw the boys he treated them, himself, his partner and her children to a cinema visit followed by lunch, and they came home with a large selection of toys. Well that was very nice, but if he were to pay some form of maintenance for the kids perhaps I could occasionally treat them too. I despair over the whole situation.